I never thought I would be ever writing a personal rant on my blog.
But I am peeved, really hurt and angry.
This is about a person I recently came in contact with. I would not say where for I do not want my readers to pinpoint her identity. For sake of ease, let’s call this person Sam.
So Sam was good to talk to, you could identify with her background. She could make sensible conversation. She is earning good bucks every month. We became friends (not because of this last reason though 🙂 ) and then fell to eating and traveling together.
Sam would invariably never carry cash. She would arrive in morning with only 10 rupees cash or not even that. She always had an ATM card, which too never seemed to have money at opportune moment. Once she even claimed to block her card!
Without Using Own ATM
Cartoon by Anshul of Brainstuck.com
I paid for Sam‘s travel (both to and fro), breakfast, juices, mineral water, snacks and even digestive lozenges. I think, my readers, you all get the picture. It was bad.
I pointed it out to Sam that she was not paying her share and that she did not even remember it later. She feigned to be ashamed for a while, apologised, but soon was back to square one. It was worse till last moment I spent with Sam.
Hurt is not about money. It’s a matter of principle. Everyday we squabble with rickshaw pullers, auto drivers if they overcharge us for even few rupees. At least they are providing a service, here is a well-to-do-person hoping to live off me. I would have been happy if I were feeding a hungry mouth. It’s that nagging feeling of being taken advantage off by a ‘leech’ in garb of friend. It hurts, because it was me at receiving end. I mean I don’t take shit from anyone!
Joke of the day is that Sam did quarrel (along with me) with a stall owner at CP about overcharging for 2 rupees! She would not have paid either shopkeeper or me anyway, why did she care to cry hoarse for consumer rights!
Sam, if you are reading this, we could perhaps have been good friends. But all I remember is your pettiness. I am writing this because I want you to know how I hurt and disgusted I feel by your attitude. I hope you feel shamed enough to stop taking advantage off others.
I tried talking to Sam, it didn’t help. How would you deal with such human parasites?
P.S: Hope you had a nice friendship day! 🙂
Visceral Observations 
Poonam:
With friends, the core principle is that both friends take it as a long term proposition and behave accordingly. Your friend does not seem to be too worried, so ‘friend’ is a bit wasted to describe her.
A friend of mine (Porsche owner etc so always a problem) was seeing off and on a woman who never even offered to pay for things. He ended up paying all the time. He was also worried if she was interested in him only for his money. When he asked me, my advice was – “forget” your wallet at home once and see if she pays. He acted this out and found that she was loathe to pay and criticised him all day afterwards. No prizes for guessing, the relationship was over before it began. But he is still incredulous about the woman’s exploitative ways..
Here is what I would do:
Next time, do not pay her share and let her deal with it in the restaurant. Just leave after paying your share. Watch how it goes! You may lose the ‘friend’ or her ‘habit of forgetting money’.. 🙂 Oops, I wrote it here. Now she will read it and find out in advance. All fun is lost 😦
oops! that ws bad! and we get such people and then get hurt… just learn from the incidence and carry on! can’t co anything about it. If she really cared for you she would have changed by now! though this might hurt, you don’t have a choice to just leave her behind!
@ Anshul
Grat cartoon as usual! 🙂
@ Shefaly : good tactic but yes, it has been uncovered 😀
@ Poo : You know what to do 😉 Just like I told ya *evil laughter*
Btw, loves your sketch… hehe
@Shefaly: You are right. Its a shame to refer such people as friends. She never meant a long-term proposition, but a short-lived advantage.
I am glad your friend tested that with his girlfriend. Nothing worse then to stick worse than spend life with pettiness.
@Sakhi: True, it has to be a learning experience. Better boycott them. 😦
@Shreyas: Cartoon is by Anshul from brainstuck.com. Looks like I put credit in wrong place. 😦
Oh right… I just didnt notice it. Oopsie!! 😀
People are like this, sometimes we let go of their habit and after sometime we let go off them. Just make sure the former happens fast.
I hope you realized that you weren’t the Teller before it was too late.
@Sakhi,Shreyas – Thanks for appreciating…
off = Of *
Leech back??
Or spend a lot. Go on activities where it becomes obvious that you can’t be expected to cover the tab for your friend. For example go for a movie at PVR Gold (750 bucks a ticket). Your friend can’t expect you to pay for this much, and so will have to bring her wallet out – or not go with you (either way, you win) 🙂
Awww .. This was bad ..
I have bunch of friends and I always make new friends every time I go to a different location ( school -> college -> US university ->JOb) .. But I guess I have never found a friend like this .. May be I am a bit lucky in that aspect of life .. SO I am sorry but I wont be able to provide any advice to you about how to tackle such a friend but after reading the comments and suggestion/advices, I will learn that how to tackle such a person in future if he/she is trying to take my advantage .. So an eye-opener post and comments for me, I guess .
By the way, do let us know how are you planning to tackle her and hoow will you get back your money?..
err.. am i using my friends as ATM :O
thats the reason no girl go on date with me second time
Well done Poonam.Sometimes one has to be cruel to be kind;Sam,if you’re reading this-wake up and smell the coffee..its never too late to change.
But dont let this episode put you off from relating to people..since money is a sensitive issue,always better to be upfront about it.
I can truly identify with your feelings Poonam. With such people, the situation becomes so awkward. You can’t be blunt and tell them on their face as your conduct doesn’t allow this and these greedy so called friends tend to take advantage of this. How shameful! And the most disgusting thing is that they end up repeating this again and again.
I pity such people who end up creating a joke of themselves due to such greedy habits. They might be good at hundred other things but their conduct related to money matter make them an eye sore. I wonder if they really have the vision to see that they are losing the chance of making some very nice friends. How extremely unlucky.
You might have lost some money which you continuously spent on this so called friend but in my eyes Sam is the biggest loser…she lost a friend, she lost respect and faith. One can gain money repeatedly in life whenever needed, but earning a friend, respect and faith is impossible after losing once.
never had to deal with such parasite friends in life. thank God for small mercies 😉
ah ! This reminds me of ma ‘friend’ back in college when we were still living out of dad pockets. This guy would spend all his money on his new jeans/shirt/watch etc and would try to live the rest of the month with our money.
Would indefinitely borrow cell phones (it was toooo expensive those days), eat and get a call just in time get a call from his girlfried when the bill arrives. Will be the first one to walk off from the auto rickshaw. Worse, will get drunk and wont pay at the bar !.
That was something none of the guys can digest. So its quits to him!.
We shun him when we go out since then. He is in Bangalore, I have never tried to be in touch with him. 😀
and the solution to the problem. Some people wont change, they try leeching out all the time. if we talk to them, they would be ‘oh I will pay up… blah this blah that…..’
Then they will be back to square one. If they are not gonna learn it the first time, they never will!
You get such friends all the time. You should have bid good bye to her as soon as you bought her the digestive lozenges 🙂
These kind of parasites are everywhere… I’ve had my experiences with a few of them when i worked in Mumbai
Such people are everywhere and they cannot be friend to anybody. I think a person’s attitude to money tells a lot about their heart. I am not speaking of someone who doesn’t like to spend even on himself/herself, but those who expect others to spend for them. These people will always take and not give, and not just money.
I havent had such experiences yet. But u did the right thing. Any self respecting friend worth his/her salt knows that debts are injurious to any relation. Once or twice is ok but each time justs eats away the relation.
u dont ‘need’ such a ‘friend’. period.
@ Poonam:
Remember the Mr-Jug-of-Water-in-his-face? 🙂 That was precisely over this point and admittedly, I was young, very young but I was spending my scholarship money and the person was spending his poojya bapu’s. Glad I have not had to deal with such moochers…
I think i jhave a lot of freinds like that .. 😛
most of the popel would have experienced that..
🙂
its sad but what can we do ..
so,me people are indeed so cheap
Throw her into a dustbin. or as a better treatment, put her into a glass box and keep her in a museum and place a placard stating this –
Name – Sam
Biological Name – buck-suck-o-maniac
Category – Leech
Specialty – Selective sucking (draining) of wallets only
Price – Piece ready for delivery. Thank you for taking it and the seller was so much glad of ridding it of him/herself that you can take it for free.
Caution : the specimen may demand delivery charges, bearing which is at your own risk.
Arre bhai relax! Thook do gussa..now, you can be more careful next time..
@ harsha
that was hilarious! 😀 😀
@Anshul: Thankfully, she was not her for long! Good riddance!
@Vaibhav: Leech back is hard with one who never has cash. Anyway she is kinda gone now from life. I think she knew all the while that she was leeching.
@Soham: Person has kinda moved from here. So its good riddance. I too never came across anyone like her. I told her many times to pay, she wouldn’t. Thick-skinned.
@Nishu: Why you don’t pay for girls or girls don’t pay fro you? 😛
@Baghishehzada: No, this is not going to put me off people, only more alert. 🙂
@Withering Willow: Yes, despite telling her so many times, she has audacity to call my civility cowardice! Biggest thing that happened that she lost my respect and trust. It was hard to go on after that.
@Liju: Yes, thank God! Hope you never have to face that.
@Xylene: You are right, talking to them is useless. I wrote her a personal email before publishing. She replies saying, I am being petty over money!!! I firmly told her on face many times to pay, yet she says that I was coward that I did not tell her on face but chose to wrote. My civility is being termed as cowardice. 😦
Such people surprise you and shock you. You would have never known such people exist.
@Varun: Buying “fatafat” (digestive lozenges) happened quite innocently. She was buying two packets of those and juices and had only 10 bucks! So naturally I paid up. I didn’t want it back, but later when we traveled and ate at restaurants, she could have had paid her share. Her share only.
@Nita: Yes, she could not have been a friend, Nita. You would be surprised how pettier her reply was on email. 😦 yes, such people only take, not only money.
@Reema: Once or twice is, but always (in this case, always was two weeks) is not acceptable. I firmly spoke to her about paying. Even though I knew she left, I wrote to her email. But she is beyond remorse, calls me petty!
@Vimal: Agreed.
@Shefaly: Then I would say he deserved it. This girl took my civility as cowardice, as she wrote in reply to my email. I have seen moochers and ben able to steer clear of them usually. I genuinely believed this one for first week, that she really didnt have cash, only card. I used to be like that too until had to travel on my own. But I woudl pay back every penny to friends by online transfers.
@Arvind: In college, Arvind, people are sometimes like that. People are always short on cash in hostels. I am not saying this makes their behavior acceptable but you would not suspect a well-to-do person in middle managerial position to leech off you!
@Harshasrisri: 😀 I know she would be reading this.
She is beyond remorse, Harsha. Nothing can work with her. Looking back, I think she knew what she was doing, only I was stupid to be taken by her outward personality, education and background. It is classic case of neeyat kharab hai.
@lalopallo: Writing about it did relax me! 🙂
@Sakhi: I agree with you…
@poonam its like .. somehow girls like to pay for cinema tickets and all .. Their logical explanation is that they want to prove that girls don’t leech on boys .. And I would say be my guest, Pay for my Ticket also 😀 ..
anyways we have this ‘bhikhari’ culture in our hostel .. there will be a bunch of guys who have daily need of ‘chutta’ for ‘sutta’ and ‘chai’ .. they will go around in their ‘wing’ looking for ‘junta’ in the hostel and collect ‘chutta’ 🙂
@POONAM
If she thinks you are being petty so be one… send her DETAILED bill AND ask her to pay… + the interest… Gal I had some of the sam types …and once I confronted them..they said I am being cheap and petty…Then I really became one… I asked them to pay me up…with interest.
Needless to say the money didn’t come and so did they….
By the way R u always the kind.who puts ur hand in the wallet first?…
Yaar fir mujhse bhi mil lo….main jyada phatka nain doonga… Bas the paneer ki sabzi…..you promised…Did you actually promise? Never mind…it’s never too late… lol 😛
hmmm
I had a friend named Gitesh while I was in Banagalore. It’s a long story.. 😉 .. he took rs 200 from me, the very first day at office .. ( we joined in the same batch ) and never returned the money completely ( I think he gave some 100 or 150 ) he did same thing with many others.. once, he got a call from his sister saying his lil cousin brother died in an accident .. he had to go home.. in Kerala .. he took 1250 and went.. and in the evening we got a call from him, a banagalore number and he had filled his belly with liquor with that money .. who knows if that cousin brother story was true .. he even took my mobile and went out without telling me .. and a hell lot of things that he did !!!
Its difficult poonam… but I agree with falcon! Ask them to pay up… I guess friendship is not about money… but, then dealing with parasites is important! Its injustice to you and you must stand up for it…
Its difficult poonam… but I agree with falcon! Ask her to pay up… I guess friendship is not about money… but, then dealing with parasites is important! Its injustice to you and you must stand up for it…
Well well, there are all kinds of people in this world…
With good frenz we usually tend to ignore these issue but that too upto a point but if it is a budding frenship we need to be xtra careful…
Not that money matters what matters is that these small incidents and the feeling of being used. It is good that u decided let go the fren nahin many a days later this issue might have balled up into something big….
🙂
In America, “friends” like this are called “deadbeats…”
As they prosper (after all, they live off your generosity) everyone around them suffers. The best thing you can do is just chalk it up to “her genetic defect,” and walk away. Don’t let her lousy attitude change you. You’re a kind, generous person. You make the world a better place. Just try to be more careful, next time. The rupees you save, may be your own…
(Now me… I’d smack her on the back of the head… repeatedly, while screaming out “1 rupee., 2 rupees, 3 rupees…” But, that’s just me… and I’m like that!) LOL!
‘Thinking green’ a lot lately, huh?
This is a great new theme. Do stay with it.
This theme is only IE friendly, its distorts in FF3 and Flock at 1024*768.
Do check.
Anshul: I use FF3 and it did not distort. I also use Safari on Mac and it did not distort there either.
Shefaly: On my desktop results are same as above. On my laptop at 1280*800, again Flock shows distorted home page, IE7 is showing good. There could be problem at my end too but that is usually rare when one is checking in 2 different OS’s and 5 different browsers.
OS: Win XP, Vista
Browsers: Flock 1.0.4, 2.0b, FireFox 3, IE 6,7.
Is homepage also doing good in your FF3 ?
Anshul:
I have the following combos that I tried:
Windows XP/ FF3
Mac OS/ Safari (both with updates applied yesterday)
I do not use IE7. It slows my machine down.
So cannot comment.
Ok, since no one else has reported this, I think I should keep shut too…
No Anshul. I checked it and found nothing wrong. So its good u shut up 🙂
Poonam, I will tell you my experience. In my case, one of my friend thought of me being a *** whatever you call it. But the thing was that, most of times, he insisted on paying and used to tell me off,”you pay sometime later, now we are in hurry” or something like that. I remember this happened only 4-5 times and one day same friend complained about me when we were sitting in group. It was so bad experience, and people started thinking(they always do, just wait until someone accuses you about something) like him. I had a hard time changing my image and few rows with people to open their eyes.
In your case, I don’t know what you should do, just leave her I say.
Hey Suda, what is *** ?
@Nishu: I can understand what happens at college. Even rich kids are short on money. I have seen several such and managed to steer clear of them. In this case, it was a judgment of error on my part. But this one was earning and it was not acceptable for her to leach on a daily basis.
@Falcon: I liked detailed bill idea! 🙂 Only I have no wish to communicate with her anymore now that she is gone. She is petty, her hilarious email response is worth posting it again. 🙂
@Dinu: Like your friend Gitesh, I have been in situation when I lent two souls money generously. They too absconded. They resulted in bad debts. After that, I have stopped lending money to anyone except my close, trusted friends.
@Nova: Yes, I felt it unjust so did write about it. Nova, she wont pay, thats sure. She called me petty about money in email! Paying for her was certainly petty. Her email was so bad that I thought I should take this girl out in public. Civility is only thing that deters me and she took that to be as “cowardice” as per her email. She has link to this post, she is reading anyway.
@S: Girl, you are bang on. Exactly. You summed my feelings exactly.
With good friends, I wont mind yaar. But budding friendships, its not acceptable. Also, its not money but niggling feeling of being used, of making that judgement error. I am angry more because I cant accept making a mistake when I am always careful.
Had she stayed, this issue would have been very BIG.
@renaissanceronin: yes, deadbeat. I have seen loads of them and steered clear of them. I made judgement error for this one, everything abt her appearance and background was misleading. No, I will not change. Thanks for understanding. I will be careful next time. 🙂
@Vimal: yeah, listened to your songs on V-lokam
@Shefaly, Anshul: I think theme does distort. Don’t you guys see my creative commons license in 2nd sidebar that this theme does not have? 😦 Atleast, I see that way.
@Suda: Your case of innocence is different. You cared, you fought for it. This girl is different.
In response to my email, this girl said I had misunderstood her..she will not prove..i hav no facts(what facts!)…me shameless..me petty money-wise!….me coward for not saying on her face…other personal stuff..Truth is I told her many times, waited for her to pay, she used to fumble in her for few minutes..will always come up with excuse or say will pay later…once she paid few bucks..asked us to fill in rest amount..other time she asked back the same meagre twenty bucks she had paid to buy something else..she also expected me to pay for shirt she bought at allen solly on my card..of, course I refused…Enough incidents and proof. Its not just me, my other friend certifies too as we shared the expenses. I was civil and not rude.
Yes, I have severed all ties with her. It was easier because she was no longer around.
WooHoo…now we are talking, There are two kinds of distortion.., @1024*768 the creative commons thingy becomes the 3rd sidebar like you said and the white background ends at your last widget irrespective of the actual page length, @1280*800 only the latter is seen.
In IE 6 & 7 everything is working fine for me.
Poonam:
Er, no. I see 2 distinct columns – one with the text and comments to my left and the other with the rest of the stuff to my right. Both Safari and FF3.
I did not check on resolutions other than my screen resolution of 1024X768.
@Sakhi : Thanks. 🙂
@Poonam : Are you sure that she’ll read this and not come after me to drain me off? i’m afraid! 😛
@Anshul: Yes, on 1024*768, in XP and FF 2 I have this trouble. 😦
@Shefaly: Because no one has complained, I am keeping this template. 🙂
@Harshasrisri: No, she would not come after you because for that she will have to reveal herself. I don’t think she wants that now.
@Poonam : Hmmm, so Sam is cornered! Btw, is she in WP? just curious thats all.
@Poo – Ewwww Thats bad exp! Good your are outta it 🙂 Friends are supposed to know their limits be it anything and they will know i.e only if they are friends!!
I’ve had friends like that, I think everybody has. Sometimes I feel that even my best friend uses me sometimes, you know, I’m always the one who ends up paying for parties but then he comes the next day and spends and gifts me a pen or something so I never really know.
@Harshasrisri: Yes, but she will have to identify herself with or without blog. 🙂
@RJ: Good friends are allowed liberties but not budding friends. 🙂 She certainly did not care.
@Ish: I guess I would be careful and also bit more understanding in close friendships. Sometimes its allowed, though not always as it may sour the relationship. I can’t really comment on your friend, maybe that he is falling back on paying doesn’t genuinely occur to him. Or maybe he tries to make up in different way. You are the best judge. But mine was a budding friendship, and the woman in question had no shame in leeching despite my requesting to pay up.
we can’t deal with such people until we become shameless ourselves. the only way to get out is stop going out with her. i think you were pretty vocal with her and the fact that she is still continuing with her ways means that you should keep distance.
Poonam: Right! It was hard for me to become shameless in person. I have severed ll ties with her.
there are friends who misuse the friendship this is one calssic case. any where money comes into picture this will happen for money anything they will do but in friendship this should not happen. it is true what you have said people misuse your lineance and exploit. certainly there is a limit for anyone it should always be give and take. we can support friends who can not afford certain things then money should not be a problem to accomodate them. but it is irony that those who can afford wants to make merry at somebody’s cost. it is like saying I drink but i dont spend my money whenever it is freely available I will have it in full
it is post which goes to take you to lot of introspection and see what best way to tackle it. once u know some one is taking u for a ride u must be cautious and ensure at some point the guy/gal spends for the group.
as saying goes ” a friend in need is a friend indeed ”
“One loyal friend is worth ten thousand relatives. –Euripides”
friend is a great asset and friendship is a Bond for ever we should not spoint this for paltry reasons
not a post for friendship day but as it is a eye opener to know whether one is a friend or foe it is needed a good dose for those who give everthing and other one who takes everything
wonderful post thought provoking and given lot of tips for those who are not ffriends too can become very good friends
pranesh
Are you sure she is not part of the Star TV Chupa rustam team? sounds unreal and horrible!
I have had friends before who had certain qualities that was totally unacceptable and unethical and it took a lot of effort to make them see the point, to correct them and still have them as friends. However, not everybody changes and we have to do away with those that don’t fit into our life!
I guess your ex friend the so called Sam is in that category and it is good that you made her an ex friend. Brave decision, no two thoughts on that!
Shefaly’s idea is the best way of dealing with someone like this.
It’s also a sad truth that such people seem to be everywhere and switch to newer ‘friends’ when they know their game’s been discovered….I’m willing to bet a tidy sum that Sam has already found a new eating and travelling companion…..
Cheers,
Quirky Indian
http://quirkyindian.wordpress.com
i think you should feel glad of being able to shed this friend cum parasite from your life!
you see, you get to meet such people in your day to day life and look at the irony….this “parasite” does not even feel ashamed for what she did , rather she is criticizing you…..
besides i think this is quite a good way of embarrassing her publicly for her misdeeds.
plus i think she didn’t even deserve your respect and the trust you had on her.
I too have got few friends like this, and I took Advantage of it
I have made them my Slaves 🙂
You can At least ask them to carry your bags or give the order, or shout at them for anything, ask them to bring water.
If they are living on your Money, you have every right to do so.
They are on your Job. use them!!!
@praneshachar: yes, supporting a friend is not a problem. BUt his was budding relationship, it was hard to accept this shameless moocher. I have severed all ties with her.
@RG: ha ha..no she is not from chupa rustam. When I wrote to her in email, she said that I was petty and coward, not to say it to her face! I had asked her many times to pay up, only I could not be rude. That’s my cowardice :0 There was no choice, it was evident she did not see her folly.
@Quirky Indian: Quite possible..she has switched onto another one..God help her future companions!
@Arpit: Actually I wouldnt have have called her friend, its there in title for nothing else came to mind. She’s moocher, thats what she was. 🙂
@Asif: 🙂 This one was shameless. She was not living on money because she didn’t have it but because he thought she could take advantage of my civility. Actually it took me some time to actually figure out what a person she was. Two weeks was more than I could endure. 😦
Sam doesn’t deserve your affection either. So don’t bother about such people. Remember, the more you show you’re hurt, she might try to take an advantage by hurting you more. You might come across such people in the future, so be careful when you choose who your true friends are.
Poonam: I agree with your every word, Manasa. She is now out of sight, and out of mind. 🙂
Oh I had one such friend in University. We still don’t talk but casually swing by a hello if we ever run into each other when Im in Canada. Other than that … out of sight, out of mind. 🙂
These people are not worthy of affection, not worthy of getting hurt over … I’m sure it’s way behind you already … just thought I’d add my two bits cuz I can’t help but add when I have something to say. :p
Poonam: Your two bits are always welcome. I love hearing them. 🙂
And yes, its way beind me. In hindsight, I was more upset because I could not accept that I made a mistake of judgement where this person was oncrned. I pride my ability to judge people. This girl managed to fool me for whole one week. The second week I bore with her for sake of civility, thinking things will chnage. But as they say, hindsight is easier. 🙂
It’s sad to hear that….I know I am so late to write a comment in this post…but i want to say that you are not deserved to be hurt by her. I understand that Friendship is important in life, it’s not easy to have it especially the close one. If I were you, i wanna keep the friendship IF that guy would change the attitude. If you have already told her, and she knew what she did and she hasn’t changed any….then you are the one to decide she is still your friend or not…..maybe yes still is a friend but not the close one anymore ….it is just my point of view.
As Manasa said in the above, you have to be careful to choose who is your true friend…though i know it’s not easy…
Poonam: It was a budding friendship when she tried to take advantage. I am not hardly hurt, I was then angered at my ability to judge people. I hated that I had to suffer such people who came in garb of friend because I could not be rude to them. She mistook my civility as cowardice. Stupid woman that she was!
Okay we all know what is right. We’re caring, giving people, and we wouldn’t behave that way towards someone else, especially a friend.
But I’m curious as to what the moocher thinks? Does it go something like this?
Hmmmm, I’m starting to get hungry, I’ll call up Poonam, and see if we can hang out. Then while we’re out, I’m sure she’ll get hungry then we can sit down and get a meal. When it comes time to pay, I can act surprised and say I forgot my wallet. She will usually say okay and pay for the meal, so I should be able to get away with it. And that way I can get a FREE meal for ME!
Any moochers wanna respond?